Our parenting style: optimizing our approach when ASD/Autism/Aspergers is in the picture
I am once again joined by Heather on the show, and today we wanted to share a little bit more about our parenting style, which is by no means perfect! When you become a parent, you certainly do not get a rule book of the exact how-to’s that will work in every situation. In fact you really have to take the learning upon yourselves. There are different books for different stages of life that your kids are going through. From What to Expect When You’re Expecting, to potty training books, the list goes on and on. As a couple we also invest in taking courses at our church so that we can understand the challenges that our kids are going through and how we can help them through it by parenting as positively as possible. When Mikey first got his diagnosis, we realized all the reasons why he wasn’t responding to what all the books had said. So it was back to the drawing board for us, to adapt our approach to better suite his needs and shapes his behavior.
Key points from this episode:
- Do what you say you are going to do as a parent. This reinforces the boundaries and creates consistency, modelling your integrity.
- Be so consistent that you are predictable, almost boring to the point where your children will intuitively know the answer. This helps them know how to process through the reasons why you say “no” to certain things.
- Practicing the approach of “asked and answered” helps guide you, as a parent, out of an argument with your child.
- Personally, we believe lying is the number one offence. If you want to create an open and honest family then there is no place for lies in the home.
- The key to creating house rules is keeping them to a minimum. Only write up the ones that mean a lot to your family during the stage you are in.
- When creating family rules, write the positive goal or expectation and not the negative “don’t”. “Food stays in the kitchen” vs. “Do not take food out of the kitchen”.
- Praising positive behavior when it is being modelled encourages the other children do to the same.
- Timeouts are not meant for complete exclusion, but for children to still be able to see and reflect on what they are missing out on.
- You cannot fault your child for behaving inappropriately when you did not tell them how to act in the first place.
- “When, then” statements is a great way to move into demand language versus request language. This is making a command statement rather than asking a question that can be met with a “no”.
- Our Family’s House Rules are available for download here ->>> Poeschl Family House Rules
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
What to Expect When You’re Expecting — https://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-When-Youre-Expecting/dp/0761187480
Your Kids Are Your Own Fault — https://www.amazon.com/Your-Kids-Fault-Fix-Way-You-Parent/dp/159240605X
Parenting With Love and Logic — https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Love-Logic-Updated-Expanded/dp/1576839540